Dear Ray J,
Please let whatever skank you choose in the second season of your show be the last skank we ever have to see you with on television. You don’t nearly have the money or fame your ego suggests you have and quite frankly, I’m tired of your face.
Dear Bret Michaels,
You have to be more diseased than a mouth swab from Paris Hilton yet, I’m strangely attracted to you.
Dear Peace Walker voice cast,
Whoever talked Mr. Kojima into naming a character after me, thank you immensely. You made my life. If a character being named after me was purely a coincidence you had nothing to do with, the first one to claim it will get the credit anyway.
Dear Mr. Kojima,
Thank you to whomever may or may not have talked you into naming a character after me in Peace Walker.
Dear Green Day,
You know that album 21st Century Breakdown you guys did?
Yeah.
Don’t do that again.
Dear Jeff Lewis,
Will you adopt me, please?
Dear Jenni Pulos,
Please, let me adopt you.
Dear Scrubs,
Bringing Zach Braff back as a guest star for the first few episodes of your new season doesn’t make it the ninth season of Scrubs. It makes it the first season of a spin off.
Dear Tim Schafer,
Thank you for Brutal Legend.
Now…Psychonauts 2, please!
